The Most Important Thing

What a great change it would bring to your life, if you had the ability to know what it is most important to the people you care about. What does it take to find out what is the most important thing to someone? Can you ask them explicitly? Or must you find out through more indirect means?

The most important thing is the thing for which you have the greatest amount of desire to become real.

It is the thing that consumes the most of your thought, and has the most momentum behind it.

Do something to make them feel like they are not alone in the pursuit of their most important thing.

Discuss and Clarify:

The first part is to find out what it is. Ask about it. Talk about it. Clarify and explore the details of what it consists of. Describe it. What does it feel like?

List the Triggers. Practice the Feeling:

The second part is to explore the nature of the feeling behind it. Get in touch with their underlying sense of drive, desire, and excitement. What triggers causes them to be at their peak level of excitement in regards to their most important thing? Try to be there with them during these moments, experiencing it with them. Once you get in touch with the energy behind the idea, look for other possibly unrelated things that cause the same level of excitement. Build with them a list of excitement triggers, then seek out these triggers together.

How Could It Be Real? :

The third part (and it doesn’t matter what order you do this in) is to explore ways that the achievement of the most important thing could actually literally be possible. Bring it out of the realm of something that exists as a vague idea. Talk about how and why it is plausible that the obstacles to achieving it could be overcome. Look for people in the real world who are doing similar things, under similar circumstances. Look for the closest real world approximations as examples. Explore the beliefs surrounding what obstacles they say they are facing.

Redefine What You Already Have:

The fourth part requires the most imagination and is not for the faint of heart. The fourth part is to explore reasons why the scenario they have right now can actually be seen as a source of excitement that is equally energizing as what they say they really want. Understand that the only value these things can actually have is the value you assign to them, because in reality everything is actually neutral. This requires that you rewrite the statements you have made about why your current scenario is so bad. Stretch your imagination in any way you possibly can in order to see how where you are now is moving you automatically in the right direction. You may not be there 100% yet, the goal here is to get to a place where you can conceive of a possibility that what you are doing right now is actually the fastest path to where you truly need to be, not where you say you need to be. This is made possible by tapping into your ability to see everything as neutral. The only value anything has is the value you say it has. However, treat this a being just an imagination exercise where your main goal is to explore the idea that you even have the freedom and ability to assign different meanings to your current situation. Once you begin to have a grasp of this ability to redefine, then you can just leave it there and call it good.

Have these discussions with the person you are trying to connect with. Support them in their exploration and try to come up with new perspectives alongside them. Let them know they are not alone in this.